Heavy sigh.


Well, as if my last post didn’t describe my life at the moment, even more has happened.

So, my 6 month old son is not sleeping through the night. So I am tired literally all the time. So when I do have time, I spend it in my bible. But, I have planned out time to try and post twice a week. So, if you are reading, pray for intention and diligence in my blogs.

Quick update on life: Most of you know, because you are friends with me on Facebook or follow me on instagram, my brother was in a wreck this past weekend. He was with his roommate and girlfriend heading home. Within a mile of home, they were hit by an oncoming car turning at the intersection they were crossing. Going 40 mph. My brother, did not have his seat belt on. He always wears his seatbelt. This was the one time he did not. He could have been sitting in the middle, and went right through the windshield. Luckily, he was sitting behind the driver, his roommate, and ate the back of the seat instead. He has 20 facial stitches, a broken nose, a fractured upper jaw, and his two front teeth were ripped out by the root. He suffered from a concussion. And is currently experiencing short term memory loss. His girlfriend broke her pelvis and possibly broke or fractured her right foot. His roommate, who was driving, fractured a few ribs and had a laceration on his knee which needed 9 stitches. He is also struggling breathing. So it has been a long week to say the least. Please keep them all in prayers. Over all, things could have been so much worse for all three of them, and we are extremely thankful this is all it was.

So, to say the least, I have been overwhelmed with life. Its like I’ve been in the middle of the ocean and the waves just keep coming. Have you ever been swimming in the ocean and been hit by a huge wave? And just when you make your way up to the top, another one comes? That’s been my life. Just when I think I’m catching a second wind, something else happens. I get the energy to clean the house and do laundry. Then right in the middle of it, my son cries, or needs to be held or needs to be changed. Then it’s nap time. I plan to get caught up in nap time, but I think, “I should really nap too. I’m so tired.” I’m the queen of procrastination. It pretty much always wins. So even when I do put him down, fully intending on getting caught up, I watch an episode of grey’s instead. Or fixer upper, or one of my many other shows I am addicted to. And the result of that, is things get piled up, and I become overwhelmed because there is too much to handle.

There’s literally just too much. I have about 40 different things going on that need to be taken care of yesterday. So I just sit and become overwhelmed. I hate that. I hate that I am so easily overwhelmed. I’m naturally lazy. Very lazy. Very messy. Very, very messy. I hate cleaning. I hate laundry. I hate dishes. And then we end up living in this pit. I feel so terribly bad for my son. I try to use him as a motivation, but I end up just moving into another room and ignoring the issue.

I do this with my faith sometimes. I ignore the fact that I need to talk to the Lord, and that I need to ask for forgiveness and that I need to just let Him hold me. I put Him on the back burner. Until Sunday comes. And then wave after wave, His love covers me. And I just think stop coming to Him on Sundays. Stop coming to Him when you NEED something. Go to Him when you have everything to be thankful for. Go to Him when you need NOTHING. Go to Him when you are sitting there by yourself.

Thank you for bible journaling. Otherwise, I would have no desire to jump into His word. Journaling makes me EXCITED to get into the word. Find something He’s never shown me. Read a story for the 100th time and hear something completely new. I love journaling. I love it so much. But even the devil tries to attack that.

The devil is ALWAYS going to attack you when you become closer to the Lord. He is always going to attack you when you start climbing higher. When you start really getting to know God, the devil will attack. He wants God’s army to be smaller. Because he knows he’s already lost the fight. He wants to drag you down. He wants to kill every bit of light in your life.

Don’t let him. Don’t let him get to you. Shake him off and dive DEEPER. Dive into the Lord. Dive into the wonderful presence of God. Stop procrastinating your faith. Stop trying to ignore the simple fact that you NEED JESUS. We are not meant to do this alone. We are not meant to walk through this life by ourselves. We are not ABLE to do anything without God’s grace. We can’t. We are wired to LOVE Him, to FOLLOW Him, to grab His hand and be LED.

Let Him lead you.

Dear Lord, help all of us with our procrastination, with our doubt, with our feeling of being overwhelmed. Instead, empty us of us, and fill us with you. Fill us with your overwhelming love and grace and kindness. Let the only reason for being overwhelmed be because of you. Let us come to you when we need nothing. Let us come to you to be grateful. Let us come to you every day, every hour. Help me be intentional with this blog. Help me make time to reach those you need me to reach. In your son’s name I pray, Amen.

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